Patrick Murphy

The city of Lincoln lost a vintage original on Sunday, Sept. 6, when Patrick Murphy passed away peacefully in the arms of his loving husband and surrounded by his family. Now, we are tasked with putting into words the life of a truly exceptional human being. We could just give you the dates, the jobs, the accomplishments and the family milestones. But those markers wouldn't really tell you who Patrick was. Despite other family members’ concerns about the length of this obituary, I can assure you that the Journal Star will show a profit this month courtesy of this man’s story. I want to share it all with you because I loved him so.

In keeping with Patrick's spirit, we're going to try to tell you about the man behind the name. Patrick Murphy was an experience. If you were lucky enough to know him, you were part of that experience, and no further explanation is necessary. For the rest of you, please enjoy your 7-minute read this morning and push back your Wordle to later in the day.

On March 18, 1966, Patrick was born in Lincoln, Nebraska, at Bryan Hospital (before a directional name was necessary … IYKYK). Always anxious about being late for anything his entire life, he was born in under an hour of labor and became the third son of James and Barbara Murphy (Hoffman) and the youngest brother to Scott and Michael Murphy. Due to his dad’s work, he grew up in multiple communities across northern Illinois and southern Wisconsin. He changed schools often growing up, and Patrick’s training in making new friends and fostering deep connections became crucial for the rest of his story. He graduated from Hononegah High School outside of Rockford, Illinois, in 1984 and attended Northern Illinois University to study architecture.

Patrick moved to Lincoln in 1988 and began his career as a bartender at the Panic and Billy's. He was a natural bridge builder with people, and it didn't take long for the new guy in town to build a remarkably large circle of friends. At Billy's, Patrick quickly learned one of the most important rules of hospitality: discretion for your guests (many of whom were legislators). This was back in the day when the Nebraska Unicameral was still largely a nonpartisan, problem-solving body where people actually worked across the aisle to get things done.
Political dignitaries and power brokers throughout Nebraska knew they could count on Patrick. He had a particular talent for pointing out when conversations may have been too loud and ripe for eavesdropping. He also knew when to seat his patrons out of public view—especially when two people who were avowed political enemies needed to solve a state problem without being seen having a drink together.

Patrick knew how to keep a secret—so much so that when he announced that he was leaving Billy’s to become an event planner at the Cornhusker Hotel, the Governor quickly made him an Admiral in the Great State of Nebraska's Navy. There was only one condition: if Patrick ever wrote a book about all the things he knew, he had to change the names to protect the guilty. You can all rest easy tonight. The book was never written.

While working at Billy’s in 1993, Patrick was presented with the opportunity to be a father by choice, even though he was a dad by nature. With his contribution, he helped Tina Parks and Kay Braddy become moms—under the condition that he could be an actively involved parent to the forthcoming children. (We will leave it to your imagination how they figured out the rest.) The three of them are the proud parents of Jessy and Tyler Braddy and were veritable pioneers in the ‘90s, proving what it meant to raise their family with love, with non-traditional labels.

Patrick spent 23 years as an event planner at the Cornhusker, where one of his primary responsibilities was wedding planning. This was wonderfully fitting because Patrick was, at heart, the ultimate romantic. That is precisely why he was so good at it. He understood that a wedding wasn't simply a party; it was one of the most emotionally significant days in a person's life.
Patrick had a gift for making sure every detail was thought through. Every bride felt taken care of, and every father of the bride was gently reassured that, yes, somehow, they could afford it - even when the wedding included elephants! He once was asked how many weddings he had planned, and he didn't know. But considering 23 years of service and the number of weekends in a year, it is reasonable to estimate that he helped create well over 1,000 special moments for loving couples in Lincoln.

Families trusted Patrick so much that he often became their chosen wedding planner for multiple daughters—not only because of his expertise, but because they trusted his integrity, his judgment and his heart.

There was one little problem. The ultimate wedding planner could plan everyone else's perfect day, but life seemed unable to deliver his own Barbie Dream Date. Until one night, it did.

In November 2019, Patrick was having a drink with dear friends at the Panic when a stranger sat down at the opposite end of the bar. Even though they didn’t know it, the course of two lives had just changed. Over the following months, they kept finding themselves at the Panic on Wednesday nights, until one night, they were sitting side by side. Finally, they introduced themselves.
The stranger eventually found the courage to ask Patrick out on a date to celebrate Patrick's birthday on March 18, 2020, but then the world shut down. COVID-19 arrived that very week, so the stranger invited Patrick to his home for dinner instead. With no distractions or outside noise, they spent hours talking. They discussed life, love, relationships, emotions, values, beliefs and character.

They learned about each other not simply as new acquaintances, but as human beings. In the era of online dating, it was a quaint, classic way of discovering your soulmate—perhaps the perfect way for a quality, vintage man like Patrick to find his love.

The relationship grew, and they agreed to raise their precious English lab, Bella, together in 2021. Then, they put their relationship to the ultimate test: a kitchen remodel!

Patrick helped this stranger find his authentic voice after 55 years of keeping it closeted. Patrick being Patrick, he taught the stranger something even more important: you have to love yourself before you can truly love another person. Eventually, Ben Barrett proposed to Patrick. On May 26, 2024, Patrick and Ben were married. Many who attended the wedding said it was one of the most emotional and loving ceremonies they had ever witnessed. No surprise—given that the ultimate romantic had finally gotten his own idyllic wedding. His Barbie Dream Date had arrived, and they punctuated the night by dancing to “At Last” by Etta James.

The beautiful bonus of this marriage is a very loving blended family consisting of Sarah Barrett and her husband Chance Solem-Pfeifer, Andrew and Lexi Barrett, Jessy and Jules Braddy, and Tyler Braddy. Sarah and Chance made us grandpas in 2025 with the birth of Gus, who was a ray of sunshine in the darkness of these last few weeks! Patrick was also deeply looking forward to seeing our granddaughter be born in October, and he has more than a dozen little dresses for Andrew and Lexi’s baby girl that she will get to remember him by.

Unfortunately, this love story had a cruel twist. One year and one day after their wedding, on May 25, 2025, Patrick received a phone call instructing him to meet with an oncologist. Patrick had already beaten prostate cancer approximately a decade earlier. Now, he faced another battle—this time with head and neck cancer. Through the summer and fall of 2025, Patrick underwent radiation and chemotherapy. By the end of the year, he had successfully conquered his second cancer challenge. He continued living, working, loving, laughing and building his relationships as the sales manager for the Scarlet Hotel, and he loved being a Chamber Ambassador for Lincoln.
Patrick's quarterly scan on April 1 showed that he was cancer-free. But cancer had other plans. The next scan, at the end of July, revealed a radically different picture: multiple tumors throughout his liver and a mass on his pancreas. It quickly became clear that this third battle with cancer was different. It was a rogue wave that came out of nowhere and pulled him away before any of us fully understood what was happening. On Sept. 6, just five weeks and five days after that routine scan, Patrick was gone.

Through all of it, Patrick remained Patrick—brave, stoic, funny, concerned about everyone else. He rarely complained about his pain, even when it was incredibly severe. He continued putting the needs and feelings of other people ahead of his own.

There is a saying: adversity doesn't build character; it reveals it. Patrick's character didn't merely reveal itself during those final weeks; it shined.

He wanted you to know that he had tried his very best to win this battle. Not simply for himself, but for the people he loved. When it became clear that his body could no longer continue the fight, Patrick made another courageous decision. He chose hospice.

If Patrick and Ben's love story were the movie Titanic, Patrick would have been Jack. He was full of life, kindness and the incredible knack for making new friends along the way. He could always find a reason to have a cocktail, tell a story and turn an ordinary night into an adventure. Those of us who knew Patrick, worked with Patrick or loved Patrick get to play Rose. We are the lucky ones. We got to discover what it means to love another person and be loved in return and embrace the life in front of us.

His legacy is not the hotels he served faithfully, or the dignitaries he took care of, or the thousands of weddings he planned. It’s the relationships he built along the way. Patrick was an architect of human connection. The bridges he built between people will exist lifetimes into the future.

Even though Patrick and Ben only had two years together as husband and husband, they packed an extraordinary amount of love into those two years. Both came to realize that there is no greater gift in this life than to love and to be loved.Once you have experienced that kind of love, you can never be sorry that you got to feel it. Patrick passed away knowing he was loved, and he gave his own love until the very end.

Today, we mourn Patrick Murphy, but we also celebrate him. We celebrate the privilege of having had Patrick on this earth for 60 years, 5 months and 20 days. He is not alone in this journey into the next realm, having been preceded by his father, James Murphy, his granddaughter, Scarlett Braddy, and many other relatives.

The best way to honor him is not to mourn the end of his life but to carry forward the way he lived it. Build the bridge. Talk to the stranger. Tell the story. Have the cocktail. Take the trip. Make the memory. Tell someone you love them. Take the risk. Be generous. Laugh loudly. When life affords you the opportunity to love someone deeply, don't hold back.

His love was freely given—to his husband, his family, his friends, his colleagues and sometimes even strangers. That love made us all a little more courageous, and its gift challenges us to live with more zest, adventure, authenticity and willingness to make a meaningful difference in the lives of the people around us.

That is the gift Patrick leaves behind. We are the privileged ones. We get to say that we knew Patrick Murphy.

Patrick’s celebration of life will be held Friday, March 19, 2027, at Venue 5 Twenty-Two. Memorials will be split between the Dolly Parton’s Imagination Library (donate.imaginationlibrary.com) because Patrick loved to read and was so looking forward to giving that gift to his grandchildren; The Nebraska No Kill Canine Foundation (nebraskanokill.org) because he was so in love with his own dog Bella; and Lambda Legal (lambdalegal.org) the primary architect of marriage equality who made it possible for two gay men to marry, and who may have to defend that right in the future.